Facebook has seen me get my driver’s license, date boys who didn’t deserve me, get married to one who does, and discover who cares about my birthday.
Now, it's a place where I scour mom groups and Marketplace for local activity ideas or a $75 barely used Halo bassinet.
How do people use parenting groups?
The mama drama thrives in parenting Facebook groups, but there is so much value in participating if you use them wisely.
1.8 billion people use Facebook groups every month, so it makes sense that niche communities spend time there. But until we’re brunching and playdating in the metaverse, parents will have to settle for forums on a platform we love to hate.
I asked my Twitter followers how they use mommy Facebook groups. Here’s what they said:
Ask parenting Qs 🙋🏼♀️ (42.9% )
Meetups/find playdates 👭(3.6%)
Drama in the comments 👀 (39.3%)
Other (explain pls!) (14.3%)
“Finding childcare and giving/getting kid stuff.”
A burden on mommies
It’s worth noting that the burden of sourcing Q&As for activities, gut-checking baby health issues, and finding playdates falls on the moms. Dads don’t seem to have nearly the same access to parenting communities as moms.
For example, I did a quick group search for “Atlanta dads,” and there were only two (niche ones) with <400 members. I would love to see more dads playing a role in parenting community-building.
Adhere to these 8 rules to get the most out of your mommy group memberships
Rule #1: Search before you post.
If I see another post asking for a pediatrician recommendation in my local mom’s group, I will simply self-combust. The search feature is your friend.
Rule #2: Honor thy admins.
Most admins run Facebook groups on a volunteer basis (more power to ‘em). In my experience, the stricter the admins, the better the value.
For example, the baby-led weaning group I’m in enforces its rules to protect the group's integrity and make baby safety a priority. Check out this intense rule list:
Rule #3: If it bothers you, just keep scrolling.
Surprise! We don’t always agree on the same parenting things.
Ask about something controversial like co-sleeping or vaccines in a Facebook group, you get ATTACKED. If you see something you disagree with, it’s okay to keep scrolling.
Rule #4: Pin your faves and unfollow the rest.
Active parenting groups will spam your Facebook feed. Smash that unfollow button and visit when you need to.
Rule #5: Don’t throw pity parties.
Mom groups are a place where emotions can run high and support is assumed. That means some parents use it as a dumping ground for their POS-partner troubles or less-than-ideal circumstances.
It’s okay to ask for help, but a pity party with no clear ask or solution is not the way. People tend to forget it’s Facebook; people can put a name and a face to your drama.
Rule #6: Don’t DM people randomly.
DMs are sacred, especially when Facebook requires using a whole different messaging app (😒). The last thing I want is a ping from a random person in a group asking 20 questions about something they could figure out themselves or private details about my family.
You can have amazing DM convos with other parents from Facebook groups, but make sure to ask permission before sliding in.
Rule #7: Only answer questions if you’re prepared for follow-up questions.
Your answer has a lot of power to relieve the curiosity or fear of a fellow parent. Be detailed in responding and expect to answer (reasonable) follow-ups. If you’re not game for that, don’t comment.
Rule #8: Join and leave responsibly.
Do you really need to be in another group just because it’s kind of related to your life? Will this one be any more helpful than that other similar one? Try to consolidate your group-membership brain (and sidebar) space.
Tip: Before joining, check the frequency of posts and members under “Activity.”
What else do you find helpful for navigating parenting Facebook groups? Let me know in the comments.
Featured “disrupting” content
I’m going to start sharing a favorite piece of parenting content that doesn’t suck in each issue. Here is a TikTok video I loved this week.
If the baby stage were a 🔥 R&B song: “Won’t even stay asleep for an hour. When he do, he just repowers.”