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Quick note: A lot is going on in the U.S. to be sad and angry about right now, so if you’re not in the headspace to read another heavy piece of content, feel free to save this issue for later. I still wanted to send this because we are still in a dire situation with the formula shortage and the conversation around breastfeeding difficulties is important.
Not-so-news flash: breastfeeding is not easy or free.
The following story is about how my good friend and aspiring lactation consultant, Emily Thomas, overcame a rough start to breastfeeding while battling postpartum depression (PPD) and pessimistic medical advice.
TW: PPD, suicide
Emily’s story
Emily is a successful hairstylist, travel/relocation pro, and Navy wife in Jacksonville, FL. We met while on a walk in our neighborhood in February 2020, each with our newborns in tow.
One of the first things I asked her was, “How are you doing mentally?”
She answered, “Not good, actually,” as if no one had really asked her that.
We were immediate, deep-level friends conveniently located four houses away. I would soon learn her story and what it truly means to have PPD.
IUGR, PPD, and feeding struggles
Emily had her son, Rowan, at 38 weeks after being diagnosed with gestational diabetes and intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). IUGR means the baby has slowed or stopped growing during pregnancy (in Rowan’s case, measuring 7 weeks behind) and has a better chance to grow after birth.
A surprising New Year’s induced birth meant Rowan was here, but the growth chart would become the Thomas family’s enemy.
Rowan still wasn’t gaining weight despite trying colostrum, failed formula, and a surplus of breastmilk. “You probably can’t breastfeed. Keep trying the bottle,” was the advice heard again and again. It seemed Emily was failing.
"I didn't know what to do,” said Emily. “I’m very type-A but still had no plan—was I supposed to finger feed? Bottle? Breast?"
The pediatrician was obsessed with weight progress without providing practical support. There came the point when Emily held the hands of the doctor, sobbing desperately, “YOU NEED TO TELL ME HOW MUCH TO GIVE HIM!”
Still, nothing.
With desperate pumping and only nursing at night, Emily weighed Rowan after every feeding for 5 months straight. That’s over 1,000 times on the scale. The Thomas family had to buy a deep freezer just to store the extra pumped milk.
While Emily fought for answers, the postpartum depression (PPD) was winning.
A life-saving consultation
It was early March 2020 with an impending pandemic. Emily was hopelessly getting ready for her first lactation appointment after friends encouraged her to seek support elsewhere. What could a lactation consultant (LC) possibly tell her that a medical professional wouldn’t?
If the LC told her to give up breastfeeding, she was going straight home to end her life.
Instead of focusing on “you can’t” statements, the LC advised Emily to find a new pediatrician—and that they would figure breastfeeding out together. These words saved her.
Emily went on to successfully breastfeed Rowan for 16 months.
Helping those in her shoes
Emily’s postpartum experience was serious, but it’s not unique. About 10% of mothers develop PPD, making it painful to navigate new motherhood and feeding struggles. Emily said:
“For me, it was life-threatening. I don't wan't anyone else to go what I went through."
Emily wants to be the person who can provide hope for parents during those early months, which is why she’s pursuing education to become an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant).
Since her lactation certification classes started, Emily has helped one friend go from exclusive pumping to breastfeeding for the first time. “The pump doesn’t define your breastmilk supply,” she told her.
Emily is passionate about getting partners involved in feeding—whether a parent or another caregiver—because feeding the baby is a team effort more often than not. She gifts nipple shields, sunflower lecithin, and nursing tanks at baby showers to set new moms up for success.
How does Emily’s story help us in today’s baby-feeding frenzy (or lack thereof)?
Telling breastfeeding moms “Just try formula!” or formula families “Just breastfeed!” isn’t helpful advice. Even pediatric medical professionals can get it wrong.
“Misinformation is the worst thing out there right now,” said Emily regarding the formula shortage. “All sides need to put down their knives and come together on this.”